Stuck!

Recently, I have been really frustrated at why God has allowed a form of autism called Asperger's syndrome to completely disrupt many things that I desire. I felt the Holy Spirit gently prompt me to go and do some biblical studies on arrogant, selfish pride from characters in the Bible. I will simply share a quick summary of what I found.

In Genesis 4, we all know that Cain killed Abel out of jealousy. What the Lord showed me was that Cain had a significant problem with self-centered pride even before they offered the sacrifices in verses 4-5. Cain’s self-centered pride was exposed in depression, and bitter envy. In Genesis 11, God confused their communication as a mercy strategy against self-centered arrogant pride on a corporate scale as they built the tower of Babel.

Going onward, Joseph stirred up bitter envy and strife among his brothers within his family after sharing his God-dream out of selfish ambition. Nebuchadnezzar was struck with insanity after boasting before heaven in Daniel 4:28-34. Incoherent thinking, double-mindedness and twisted thinking are other warning signs of the destructive influence of self-centered pride.

Looking at other passages of scripture, Sodom’s root sin was not homosexuality. Ezekiel 16 says that Sodom’s root sin was pride manifesting in being unconcerned and not helping the poor and needy (non-verbally saying before God, we are better than those other people). Romans 1:21 indicates that ingratitude (grumbling and complaining) or “entitlement spirit/greed” (“I deserve more”) is another sign of destructive pride. In addition, the proud are unable to forgive others and have no delight in showing mercy for those who have hurt them.

The trouble and pain I was in was due to my self-centered arrogance, not just because of Asperger’s syndrome. The only thing Asperger’s syndrome did was to amplify the emotional trouble associated with self-centered pride, so I would smash into my brokenness quicker. In other words, the Asperger’s syndrome was only serving to speed up and amplify the brokenness in my life. It sort of functions as a spiritual pride detector test!

The symptoms that I have highlighted in red are danger signs of self-centered pride that God pointed out were in me. If this is not dealt with through embracing humility before God and others at this stage through repentance and humility, the results are disastrous. Romans 1:18-32 indicates that self-centered arrogant pride is the first step that leads into idolatry, immorality, perversion, and destruction. In Genesis 4, Cain’s self-centered pride eventually brought him to the point of murder. Hebrews 12 talks about bitterness (another manifestation of pride) leads to immorality, and godlessness. It all results in death.

A few years ago, God let me know that He was going to require “extraordinary humility” on my life. God’s wisdom in humility is the beginning of righteousness and justice. Meanwhile, satan’s wisdom of self-centered pride is at the root of abortion, immorality, and greed that threaten the foundations of this nation. I eventually chose to repent and humble myself before God and people of what I know about. However, I cannot walk into God’s requirement of extraordinary humility by myself.

So here I am, stuck!