Thorny revelation...

Well, it's been a while since I have written! I've gone back to Minnesota and started a new service position here in Kansas City in the meantime. God shared (or re-affirmed) some thorny truth.

Through my whole life, I have had problems with Asperger's syndrome- a mild form of autism that only affects the emotional parts of the brain. What it causes in real life is increased sensitivity emotionally- the equivalent of my emotions "screaming on the mic" (for those of you who have been to prayer room at IHOP-KC) ALL THE TIME in regards to decision making processes. The net effect is that it has caused great problems emotionally, socially, and relationally which has negatively affected other things. I have asked God to take it away (with some long fasts) and basically, God has said "no" giving me 2 Corinthians 12:6-9. (Uggghh...Why God?)

2 Corinthians 12:9 (Jesus said to Paul) "My Grace is sufficient for you and My power is made perfect in weakness."

James 4:6 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

God has also made it clear to me (both before coming to IHOP and now beyond) that He is requiring EXTRAORDINARY humility upon my life. This last weekend, "connected the dots" related to this:

1. God has given me (and may of you) invitations to do great exploits with Him in Kansas City and beyond.
2. The great exploits God has called me to partner with Him in are going to require extraordinary grace.
3. Extraordinary grace requires extraordinary humility (James 4:6; 2 Corinthians
12:9)
4. In terms of weakness and humility, I believe there is the voluntary weakness/choosing humility dimension through living out the Sermon on the Mount Lifestyle (Serving, giving, fasting/prayer, choosing righteousness, and avoiding bitterness like the plague/blessing enemies). I also believe there is an involuntary dimension through difficulty.

It's interesting to me that God increased the pain associated with asperger's syndrome (where it now often affects me physically with severe headaches) right after the first 40-day fast that I had ever called in 2005 related to the release of the prophetic promises over my life. I now realize what probably happened and how God answered my prayer(See 2 Corinthians 12:7-8...uggh).

I believe that this is the season where I need to begin sharing more of my prophetic testimony on my life. I would so much rather do it WITHOUT the thorn of aspergers, but what if it is the only way to walk in the prophetic promises without becoming conceited?

(Groaning forward) but grateful to Jesus goodness

Jess